Trios (xii)

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I have been searching for so long.

What exactly have you been searching for?

Belonging. I have no idea where I am. Or where I'm supposed to be.

What do you mean?

All of this has really got to do with time. It's a very... it's a really interestingly odd thing. You see, things seem to be happening quicker than ever; and I have ocular proof that people have been progressing with there lives. My friends are all doing all sort of things that people my age are doing. I feel as though I should be amongst them.

Let me interrupt you there. I think your main problem is all revolved around self-discovery. You are insecure that you don't know yourself; and thus you don't know what you want or what do expect. You are, confining youself to thing that you know you perhaps enjoy...

...Now, now. I think I'm pretty certain that I am myself. I often probably take the third person view in order to evaluatate in retrospection. But I'm almost certain that I'm always almost myself.

Ok then. If that is the case, then how many things do you feel; but aren't able to put into words.

Surely that is dependent on my ability of expression rather than knowledge of myself?

I dunno Eric, is it? Is it a product of you inability to express what you feel? Or is it something that you're hiding due to insecurities of concrete things. I know you Eric. Once things have been written and properly expressed in an comprehensive language; you know it has been set in concrete. This is why you're afraid of saying anything that you truely mean. You know this. You prefer everything you know to be taken up in abstract terms. You prefer things to be erasable. You prefer things to be able to change. You are constantly in the grip on things; in the fear of failure. You're always treading too carefully, wanting to know the results without taking the plunge. And thus you always miss your chance.