Trios (xii)

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I have been searching for so long.

What exactly have you been searching for?

Belonging. I have no idea where I am. Or where I'm supposed to be.

What do you mean?

All of this has really got to do with time. It's a very... it's a really interestingly odd thing. You see, things seem to be happening quicker than ever; and I have ocular proof that people have been progressing with there lives. My friends are all doing all sort of things that people my age are doing. I feel as though I should be amongst them.

Let me interrupt you there. I think your main problem is all revolved around self-discovery. You are insecure that you don't know yourself; and thus you don't know what you want or what do expect. You are, confining youself to thing that you know you perhaps enjoy...

...Now, now. I think I'm pretty certain that I am myself. I often probably take the third person view in order to evaluatate in retrospection. But I'm almost certain that I'm always almost myself.

Ok then. If that is the case, then how many things do you feel; but aren't able to put into words.

Surely that is dependent on my ability of expression rather than knowledge of myself?

I dunno Eric, is it? Is it a product of you inability to express what you feel? Or is it something that you're hiding due to insecurities of concrete things. I know you Eric. Once things have been written and properly expressed in an comprehensive language; you know it has been set in concrete. This is why you're afraid of saying anything that you truely mean. You know this. You prefer everything you know to be taken up in abstract terms. You prefer things to be erasable. You prefer things to be able to change. You are constantly in the grip on things; in the fear of failure. You're always treading too carefully, wanting to know the results without taking the plunge. And thus you always miss your chance.

Hyena

A buffed up version of Toby Gorman,

built like a pit pull, crossed with a wolf.

Essentially a huge killing machine that laughs like a maniac while it tries to bite off your face.

Some people say that they're not that big. My only reference is wikipedia; and they say the spotted kind stands at 80cm. To me; that's huge.

Trios (xi)

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I was sitting idley, crossed legged on my bed, staring blankly into the night. Smuck had poked his head through the door.

"What ho, Eric?"

I learned over to the sound system and turned down the tune 'Talk Show Host'.

"Nothing much, just marvelling at the amount of things that can happen in a year."

Smuck unbuttoned his suit front and sat down; a soft velvet chair materialising beneith him as he fell.

"Let's hear it then."

"It certainly feels like I've learnt a lot this year, most things seem to make sense now..."

"I would call that coming of age."

"...but obviously there is still plenty that I don't have a clue about. But I think it's safe to say that I have most of my personal principles and beliefs down; as well as my goals and ambitions."

"This is true, one cannot claim that he knows everything."

A comfortable silence falls between us.

"The start of my first year of university was most frightening.

Everything alien, everything was new.

I feel though I learnt more about myself then anything else.

Which is terrific because I've always been a mystery to me."

"This is good. Very good, mind if I light my pipe?"

"Oh no, go ahead, just open that window." Smuck struck a match on the arm of the chair, and proceeded to the window. I continued, "I've learnt so much! From meeting the exclusive group in my course; to concentrating on giving good impression to Pricilla every drawing class; to building, mending, re-inforcing, present and past relationships; bus trips with Cassandra; to knowing how to study effeciently; to learning how to unwind; to meeting Cho. In hindsight, it seems though every moment has been a lesson by itself.

It's been a terriffic journey. Jam Packed with events, emotional disputes and revelations."

Smuck gives me an amused look. "Did you notice that all your lessons that you have learnt, seem to come from conversations and interactions with people?"

"Why is that worthy of a note?"

"You have often said that you don't like people."

"I don't, they stress me most times."

"Two sides of a bladed sword."

"You know, this world is funny, and full of contradictions and convolutions. And I think i've decided: I like people."

It's not what you know; it's who you know

birds of a feather